If you've ever been in a problematic relationship, then you know how difficult it can be to extricate yourself from that situation. Whether it's because of love, loyalty, or fear of being alone — or some combination of all three — many people stay in relationships that aren't healthy for them. But if your partner is making your life worse instead of better, then it might be time to start looking elsewhere for support and companionship. Here are some relationship red flags:
You feel like your partner is not fully invested in the relationship.
It is natural to compare ourselves to others, but when they are constantly making you feel like a failure, it becomes more than just a comparison. When your partner makes you feel like they are better than you or that your life would be easier without them, this is not healthy behaviour in any relationship. Your partner should support and encourage you instead of making your self-esteem plummet through constant criticism and insults.
You should take notice if you feel this way about your relationship. If you feel like you need to be the person your partner wants you to be in order to keep them around, then there is a problem. You should never have to change who you are just so someone else will continue being involved in your life. This can be one of the most dangerous signs because it often doesn't show up until after the breakup has occurred and done its damage.
When your partner constantly compares you and your relationship to other couples, it's a sign that they are insecure. They are trying to boost their own confidence by putting you down.
They may also be trying to make themselves jealous or to control you by getting upset when you talk about past relationships in front of them.
Have you ever received a text message with only the letter “k,” but no other words or punctuation?
Or had someone ignored your phone call and then not followed up with any kind of apology, explanation or meaningful communication for days? A person who cares about you would have taken the time for that conversation.
A selfish person will always put themselves first in terms of their time and attention. Their needs come first, even if it means hurting others' feelings or putting your relationship at risk by ignoring your needs. This is not healthy behaviour and won't lead to a healthy relationship or partnership over time.
If this sounds like something that has been happening in your relationship recently, take note: Selfishness leads to one thing: self-absorption!
If you find yourself feeling like you need to get your partner's approval before making any decision, it may be time to consider the possibility that they aren't a good fit for you. This is especially true if this has been a pattern in your relationship.
It's also possible that they are keeping an eye on everything that happens in your life, including the times when they can't be around due to work or other commitments. If this is happening, it might mean it's time for them to back off a bit and let their guard down so that things don't escalate into something more serious.
Projection is a defense mechanism in which one attributes to another person thoughts that are actually his or her own.
It is used to avoid facing the reality of one's own feelings and behaviours, which can be very hurtful to the other person.
For example, if your significant other always acts as though you are at fault when there is an argument between you two, it could be because they are projecting their negative emotions onto you in order to justify their bad behavior in some way (which would otherwise make them feel guilty).
In this case, projection would serve as a defense mechanism by deflecting attention away from themselves so that they don't have to face the fact that they were wrong or did something hurtful or insensitive toward another person (you).
If you have to question your partner's honesty, it is time to leave. If your partner lies often, you must accept that they will probably lie to you at some point in the relationship. If they habitually lie and do not take responsibility for any of their actions, it is not just a part of who they are—it defines who they are.
You should also consider leaving if your partner has never learned (and refuses to learn) how to be honest or accountable for their actions. If this is the case, this behavior will only escalate over time rather than improve.
In a good relationship, both partners are honest and considerate of the other person. They communicate openly and honestly about their feelings, well-being, plans and activities—and they’re accountable to one another when their actions affect the other person.
Your trust can be destroyed by dishonesty, infidelity, and other destructive behaviors.
Trust can be rebuilt through honesty and transparency but only if both parties are willing to do so.
If your partner does not respect the boundaries that you have set for yourself, it is almost impossible to build trust. It is also very hard to feel safe in a relationship where one person feels like they can violate your personal space or privacy at any time.
If your partner has been unable to respect these boundaries in the past, it may be time to consider leaving the relationship before it gets even worse.
You no longer feel comfortable, safe or happy in the relationship. It might be time to leave if:
If you find that love is painful in your relationship, it might be time to consider leaving. Love should not feel painful. If something harmful, disrespectful, or damaging occurs in the dynamic between two people and one person refuses to work on it, leaving might be the only option left on the table.
If your partner is abusive towards you physically or emotionally (or both), this behavior will continue if they are not willing to seek help for themselves and alter their behavior. Leaving may be necessary so that you can heal from any physical or emotional abuse as well as protect yourself from further harm by staying with your partner.
If you find that your relationship is causing more distress than it’s worth, maybe it's time to leave.
It won't be easy, but giving up on this person could very well turn out to be one of the best decisions you've ever made. You deserve to be treated well; and when you make that choice for yourself, it will feel amazing!